Entry #9

Dear Journal,

I have started a new path now. This time I will be assisted by the river. I feel a strong connection with the river. It fills me with a spirit unknown to me, so full of life and curiosity. I walked down to the river bank and while hunger filled me. I made it all the way to the ferryman and asked for a ride to the other side of the river. He looked at me astonished for my prized clothes, people of luxury were never caught on foot. I admired the ferryman and his line of work, I truly envied him. His work was just beautiful to me. I would rather have to work like this man than wear these fine clothes that are only a nuisance to me. I did not bring any money with me so I offered the ferryman my clothes. I do not need them. I have lived without basic recourses before, I can do it again. The ferryman was astonished with my offer but he accepted. I had noticed that this was the same ferryman that had taken me across the river 25 years ago when I had first arrived as a Samana. He recognized me and I reintroduced myself as Siddhartha but this time not as Siddhartha tha Samana.When we finally arrived to the other side of the river Vasudeva noticed that the river had changed me in a way. The river has become my friend. Vasudeva offered me to stay with him along with food. I thanked him and accepted his offer. The river can teach you secrets he said and that I shall learn from the river. Another path beings for me. 

Still people crossed the river in search of Gotama to hear his teachings. Even Kamala went who was once one of the most beautiful courtesans went in search of the Gotama. Kamala now had a son and we all went on the pilgrimage in search of Gotama to hear him preach before he dies. The young boy got restless and was always whining. As far as he knew the Buddha had nothing to offer him. When we were just walking along we decided that it was time for a rest. Kamala laid down and out of no where was bit by a snake. Instantly she had crying pains and screams filled with torture. Little Siddhartha soon enough joined his mother in the screaming for all he wanted was to make his mother feel better. I was on the boat about to light up the fire when Vasudeva barged in with dying Kamala in his arms. There was no hope left in anyones eyes for the survival of Kamala. That very day Kamala died I was also informed that her son was also my son. I am now officially a father and my love for that boy could not grow any stronger. All there is left to do now is have a funeral for Kamala and raise the boy right.

Siddhartha