Entry #8

540 B.C.

    When I left the city and wandered back to the country side, I was thinking about committing suicide. As I looked over the river, I wanted to end my life. Thoughts ran through my mind very quickly. I thought about the "Om" and my mind and body came back to life. I was physically and mentally tired, so I laid down in the grass, and fell asleep by the quiet river.


   When I woke up, I found a Buddhist monk, asleep beside me. I didn't know who it was at first, but then I realized it was my long lost best friend, Govinda. A few minutes later, Govinda woke up and didn't recognize who I was. I introduced myself to him and sure enough, he remebered who I was. However, he told me that he was still a follower of Gotama. Govinda thought his role was to be a spiritual Pilgrim. I told him that I too was a spiritual Pilgrim, but Govinda looked skeptical. Govinda told me that I looked well fed and like a rich merchant. I wanted to tell my friend what else happened in my life since we parted, and that I am still in search of enlightenment. I don't think Govinda was convinced, but he bowed to me respectfully and went on with his day.


    I thought to myself for a little while and I felt that I can learn nothing more by joining the Samanas or the followers of Gotama. I think all of my thinking compromised my previous attempts at enlightment. I think that I have tried way too hard to seek enlightenment. Right now, I am next to the river and  admiring the beauty of it. Just a little while ago, I was lost in the water and felt a strong love for it. I was hypnotized by the river for so long i could not see myself to leave its side.


-Siddhartha