Entry #10

                                                 540 B.C.      

I am so sad about my son. I cannot believe I lost him. My pain and sadness are great and I try to deal with it by meditating. When I was looking at the river today, the water seemed to laugh at me for letting the wound burn and get infected so deeply. I realized that life has an inevitable flow, just like the river. As I am sitting here, I'm thinking about how I left my father despite protestations and how my own son has just left me. I understand that some sorrows can't be prevented and will pass from generation to generation throughout time. Now I feel a sense of peace in my life. During that night I told Vasudeva how I felt and he understood all of my sorrows. Also, I felt as if Vasudeva is as enlightened as the Buddha. He seems like a god to me.

     The next day the old ferryman invited me to listen more closely to the river. I heard voices of joy and sorrow, good and evil, laughter and mourning. I payed no attention to the other words going through my mind and I only heard the word Om. I was sitting next to Vasudeva by the river and I realized that myself is a part of the great perfection that is all of the voices in the world speaking together. I no longer doubt my place in the world or second guess my actions. When I learned and noticed this about myself, I stopped battling my own fate.

-Siddhartha