Entry #12

540 B.C.
   

Govinda heard that there is a wise man living by the river, and goes to see him! Little does he know that the wise men is me. He comes to me because he is still seeking enlightenment but he does not recognize me. I tell him that he is searching to hard and he is possessed by his goal. When I tell Govinda that it is me Siddhartha he is amazed. That night Govinda stayed in my hut, and I told him how I obtained my wisdom. I warned him that the wisdom I have can not be taught. Enlightenment can not be expressed, knowledge can be passed on but all people should gain their own wisdom. I told him that no one is ever fully sinful or saintly. Govinda asks me if I can give him more advise. He tells me that he is very old and has little time. I told him to kiss me on the forehead, and Govinda did as I told. When he did he saw the flow of forces and images through his eyes. In tears Govinda bows before my. We have finally found the enlightenment we have been looking for!

Entry #11

Dear Journal,

I have been studying the river now for many years with Vasudeva. He has taught me all the secrets of the river and how to learn them from the river. After contemplating the the river I started thinking differently about the it and how it flows. Just the way the water moves with the current and always returns, so does life. It is a continuous circle of life that never ends. All births and deaths are all part of a unity that is timeless. I have now learned that in order to understand life I have to understand things before hand first. Joy, sorrow, life, death, good, and evil are all necessary parts in discovering the meaning of life as a whole. It has taken me years to learn to finally learn all the secrets of the river. Once I had announced my victory for learning the secrets of the river Vasudeva told me that he will be leaving into the forest. He has been with me for years studying the river and many more years he spent with it before he even met me. Vasudeva is no longer a ferryman, he has left me that job. Now he dwells in the forest where he has retired to. Now I am Siddhartha the ferryman.

Siddhartha

Entry #9

Dear Journal,

I have started a new path now. This time I will be assisted by the river. I feel a strong connection with the river. It fills me with a spirit unknown to me, so full of life and curiosity. I walked down to the river bank and while hunger filled me. I made it all the way to the ferryman and asked for a ride to the other side of the river. He looked at me astonished for my prized clothes, people of luxury were never caught on foot. I admired the ferryman and his line of work, I truly envied him. His work was just beautiful to me. I would rather have to work like this man than wear these fine clothes that are only a nuisance to me. I did not bring any money with me so I offered the ferryman my clothes. I do not need them. I have lived without basic recourses before, I can do it again. The ferryman was astonished with my offer but he accepted. I had noticed that this was the same ferryman that had taken me across the river 25 years ago when I had first arrived as a Samana. He recognized me and I reintroduced myself as Siddhartha but this time not as Siddhartha tha Samana.When we finally arrived to the other side of the river Vasudeva noticed that the river had changed me in a way. The river has become my friend. Vasudeva offered me to stay with him along with food. I thanked him and accepted his offer. The river can teach you secrets he said and that I shall learn from the river. Another path beings for me. 

Still people crossed the river in search of Gotama to hear his teachings. Even Kamala went who was once one of the most beautiful courtesans went in search of the Gotama. Kamala now had a son and we all went on the pilgrimage in search of Gotama to hear him preach before he dies. The young boy got restless and was always whining. As far as he knew the Buddha had nothing to offer him. When we were just walking along we decided that it was time for a rest. Kamala laid down and out of no where was bit by a snake. Instantly she had crying pains and screams filled with torture. Little Siddhartha soon enough joined his mother in the screaming for all he wanted was to make his mother feel better. I was on the boat about to light up the fire when Vasudeva barged in with dying Kamala in his arms. There was no hope left in anyones eyes for the survival of Kamala. That very day Kamala died I was also informed that her son was also my son. I am now officially a father and my love for that boy could not grow any stronger. All there is left to do now is have a funeral for Kamala and raise the boy right.

Siddhartha

Entry #6

       540 B.C.

      I met a man by the name of Kamaswami. He accepted me into his home, but I am afraid that he does not realize my full potential. Kamala told me not to ask for work, she said to act in a way that Kamaswami will respect me. I decided to go by her words. I then impressed Kamaswami by showing him that I can read and write. As soon as I knew it, he took me in as his protege. I started working for him as a merchant but this is all not serious for me. Kamaswami even tried to persuade me by giving me a share of the income, but nothing he can say or do will change my mind! On the other hand I have to work very hard with Kamaswami in order to afford the gifts for Kamala.  Even though my relationship with Kamala is interesting we are not in  love, sex is part of her job. We decided that people like us can not be truly in love.

-Siddhartha

Entry #7

 540 B.C

  

   Now being employed for Kamaswami, I am a wealthy man. I take privilege to Kamala’s intimate company.  Business is just a game to me. I am good at it though. I’m good with words so I always do my business well. Kamaswami admires that in me and he takes full advantage of my talents. My perspective on the world has changed and I know because I feel superior to all those who desire only the richest life style. I cannot retract these feelings so I push them aside.

   I look like a wealthy merchant, wear the finest of everything, eat only the riches foods, watch dancers, and I gamble. My spirituality has died and I only desire more…

   I start to notice wrinkles embedded into Kamala’s still beautiful face and an array of gray hairs on my head. I dreamt of Kamala seeking interest in Gotama’s teachings and persuade her to ignore them because of my own reasons. In another dream Kamala’s golden song bird passes and I throw it out, just like how I wasted all my spiritual self. I realized the voice inside me that led me to begin this journey of enlightenment has me silent for too long.

   I was up upset so I went to meditate and figure everything out. I was distracted from my main goal, finding nirvana. The city life has destroyed all my progress. I was oblivious to what was happening while I drank and enjoyed the limelight. I realized my relationship with Kamala was nothing. It taught me love but that cannot bring me to enlightenment so I must leave Kamala at once. I now see all this city life was nothing but the game, and only the game, of Samsara.

   I know Samsara is not a choice but I do not intend to play it forever. I have made the decision to leave without notice…

                                        

-Siddhartha

Entry #8

540 B.C.

    When I left the city and wandered back to the country side, I was thinking about committing suicide. As I looked over the river, I wanted to end my life. Thoughts ran through my mind very quickly. I thought about the "Om" and my mind and body came back to life. I was physically and mentally tired, so I laid down in the grass, and fell asleep by the quiet river.


   When I woke up, I found a Buddhist monk, asleep beside me. I didn't know who it was at first, but then I realized it was my long lost best friend, Govinda. A few minutes later, Govinda woke up and didn't recognize who I was. I introduced myself to him and sure enough, he remebered who I was. However, he told me that he was still a follower of Gotama. Govinda thought his role was to be a spiritual Pilgrim. I told him that I too was a spiritual Pilgrim, but Govinda looked skeptical. Govinda told me that I looked well fed and like a rich merchant. I wanted to tell my friend what else happened in my life since we parted, and that I am still in search of enlightenment. I don't think Govinda was convinced, but he bowed to me respectfully and went on with his day.


    I thought to myself for a little while and I felt that I can learn nothing more by joining the Samanas or the followers of Gotama. I think all of my thinking compromised my previous attempts at enlightment. I think that I have tried way too hard to seek enlightenment. Right now, I am next to the river and  admiring the beauty of it. Just a little while ago, I was lost in the water and felt a strong love for it. I was hypnotized by the river for so long i could not see myself to leave its side.


-Siddhartha

Entry #10

                                                 540 B.C.      

I am so sad about my son. I cannot believe I lost him. My pain and sadness are great and I try to deal with it by meditating. When I was looking at the river today, the water seemed to laugh at me for letting the wound burn and get infected so deeply. I realized that life has an inevitable flow, just like the river. As I am sitting here, I'm thinking about how I left my father despite protestations and how my own son has just left me. I understand that some sorrows can't be prevented and will pass from generation to generation throughout time. Now I feel a sense of peace in my life. During that night I told Vasudeva how I felt and he understood all of my sorrows. Also, I felt as if Vasudeva is as enlightened as the Buddha. He seems like a god to me.

     The next day the old ferryman invited me to listen more closely to the river. I heard voices of joy and sorrow, good and evil, laughter and mourning. I payed no attention to the other words going through my mind and I only heard the word Om. I was sitting next to Vasudeva by the river and I realized that myself is a part of the great perfection that is all of the voices in the world speaking together. I no longer doubt my place in the world or second guess my actions. When I learned and noticed this about myself, I stopped battling my own fate.

-Siddhartha

Entry #5

                                               540 B.C

   

    I was wandering without a final destination. I had no chosen path. I admit to noticing things I’ve never seen. I saw trees, animals, clouds, rainbows, and flowers. I saw how brightly the stars shone in the black sky, how easily and clear the rivers were and how refreshing it was, how the birds sung at every octave, even ones I have never heard. I put my spirituality away and really admired nature.

    I spend my night in the hut of a ferryman. I dreamt a dream that took me by surprise. Govinda was next to me in a yellow ascetic robe, his face holding a melancholic look. He asks, “Why have you deserted me?” I drew Govinda into me, embracing him into open arm and moved down to taste from his breast. I looked up to no longer see Govinda, but a woman.

   The following day the Ferryman took me across the river. Siddhartha learns the river teaches him lessons no one else could have taught him. I felt lamentable for not having a gift for the kindhearted ferryman but he reassured me I would pay him back one day. Coming into town, I encounter a young woman. I was almost seduced but I stopped myself. I fought the urge and resist.

   Strolling into town, I visited a garden run by the best courtesan, Kamala. She is beautiful and sits in her sedan chair, potent. I was grimy and unshaved. I needed fine oils, a barber, and decent clothing.

   I bathed in a river and later returned to Kamala’s garden. She was honestly amused that I, a Samana, would come to her to be taught the art of how to love. She was a very stubborn woman. It intrigued me more. I bargained with her, a poem for a single kiss. And that she could not refuse!

   She was blown away by my talent. My verses compelled her for only a moment then she was back to her stubborn self, it took barely a minute for her to forget how lovely my words were. She recommended me to a wealthy merchant, Kamaswami. She told me to make sure I was his equal nothing lower or higher. Then once I was like one of her regular men then she would take me in.

-Siddhartha

Entry # 4

540 B.C

     A few days ago, I left Govinda in the Jetavana Grove, where he decided to stay with the Illustrious Buddah, Gotama. Not only did Govinda learn life lessons from the Buddah while he was speaking, but so did I. He taught me that in order to conquer my Self, I must become my own teacher.

    After thinking long and hard, I began to question, what was it that my past teachers could not teach me? Then I realized, it was my Self, the character and nature of which I wished to learn.

    As I began to walk, I looked around as if seeing the world for the first time. I saw the beautiful blue skies and the yellow and green river. I sat and again, I began to question, who exactly I am. I am no longer a Samana and no longer a Brahmin. Now I am only Siddhartha; Not Siddhartha the folower of Gotama, not Siddharhta a Brahmin or Samana, just Siddhartha.

-Siddhartha 

Entry #3

540 B.C

    My path with the Samana's has ended and my new path begins. Govinda and I have traveled far from where we had once lived as Samanas to now a flourishing city that is also the home of the Buddha, the Illustrious one, Gotama. As we were getting ready to beg for food at the first house, we were offered food by a most generous woman. There, I asked if this is the city in which the Buddha dwells. She indeed pointed us in the right direction of the Buddha. My new path has been finally set and here is where I will start my journey.


    I guess Govinda and I weren't the most original when it came to journeys. Large crowds of believers and curious people all awaited for the teachings from Gotama. All the monks and followers there looked the same. But it was I who spotted the Illistrius buddah right away.
            
    I could not believe that I was going to learn something new from Gotama. I just felt such curiosity for his teachings. Though the teachings have been recited to me on multiple occasions, it was only second or third hand information. When I finally heard his teachings, even his voice was perfect. It has a certain calmness to it and was full of peace. The Buddha taught of suffering, the origin of suffering, how to relieve suffering. By the end of his speech night had fallen. He then rose and accepted someone to walk beside in the search for the relief of all suffering. Shy Govinda had also risen and joined the Buddha. It was then and there that i knew my close friend was now leaving me for his own set path that he had chosen.


    I have now realized that this is not the chosen path that is right for me in life. All the teachings that have crossed my path have not seemed to lead me to what is right for me to follow in life. If the Buddha's teachings can't entice me then I don't think anything ever will. I still have yet to seek the innermost part of myself.


-Siddhartha

Entry #2

540 B.C.

    I can officially call myself a Samana. I have given almost all my possessions away. All I have now is a loin cloth and my mind. I never cook my food and only eat once a day. When I pass by the people in the towns, I frown upon them for living a life of glamor and luxury without knowing the the real pains of life. A life without pain is a life without knowing. Business men trading, princes going to hunt, mourners weeping over their dead, and prostitutes offering themselves. These are all lives that have not truly experienced the harsh and cruel realities of the world.

    When I was a wealthy Brahmin, I used to meditate as a form of peace and spirituality. Now it is an escape from having to deal with my life. I have learned to transport my mind into the body of another being. I experienced death and flying but always return into a lifeless body that I have to call my own.


-Siddhartha

Entry #1

                                                   540 B.C.
     

    For a long time, I've had this feeling that something is missing in my life. I feel unsatisfied being a Brahmins son and I feel that if I stay with the Brahmins any longer, I will not find what is missing in my life- I will not find enlightenment. 
          
     While Govinda and I were practicing meditation by the Banyan Tree, I saw some wandering Samanas passing by and I thought, "maybe what's missing in my life, could be found with the Samanas." So it was then and there that I realized I no longer want to be a Brahmins son, I want to join the Samanas. 
            
     That day, I went to go ask my father for permission to become a Samana. Of course my father did not want me to leave, but there was no way he could persuade me otherwise. So he let me go. 
            
      I thought I was going to go through this new path by myself, but to my suprise, my best friend, Govinda, joined me and we would soon start our new lives together as Samanas. 


-Siddhartha