Entry #12

540 B.C.
   

Govinda heard that there is a wise man living by the river, and goes to see him! Little does he know that the wise men is me. He comes to me because he is still seeking enlightenment but he does not recognize me. I tell him that he is searching to hard and he is possessed by his goal. When I tell Govinda that it is me Siddhartha he is amazed. That night Govinda stayed in my hut, and I told him how I obtained my wisdom. I warned him that the wisdom I have can not be taught. Enlightenment can not be expressed, knowledge can be passed on but all people should gain their own wisdom. I told him that no one is ever fully sinful or saintly. Govinda asks me if I can give him more advise. He tells me that he is very old and has little time. I told him to kiss me on the forehead, and Govinda did as I told. When he did he saw the flow of forces and images through his eyes. In tears Govinda bows before my. We have finally found the enlightenment we have been looking for!

Entry #11

Dear Journal,

I have been studying the river now for many years with Vasudeva. He has taught me all the secrets of the river and how to learn them from the river. After contemplating the the river I started thinking differently about the it and how it flows. Just the way the water moves with the current and always returns, so does life. It is a continuous circle of life that never ends. All births and deaths are all part of a unity that is timeless. I have now learned that in order to understand life I have to understand things before hand first. Joy, sorrow, life, death, good, and evil are all necessary parts in discovering the meaning of life as a whole. It has taken me years to learn to finally learn all the secrets of the river. Once I had announced my victory for learning the secrets of the river Vasudeva told me that he will be leaving into the forest. He has been with me for years studying the river and many more years he spent with it before he even met me. Vasudeva is no longer a ferryman, he has left me that job. Now he dwells in the forest where he has retired to. Now I am Siddhartha the ferryman.

Siddhartha

Entry #9

Dear Journal,

I have started a new path now. This time I will be assisted by the river. I feel a strong connection with the river. It fills me with a spirit unknown to me, so full of life and curiosity. I walked down to the river bank and while hunger filled me. I made it all the way to the ferryman and asked for a ride to the other side of the river. He looked at me astonished for my prized clothes, people of luxury were never caught on foot. I admired the ferryman and his line of work, I truly envied him. His work was just beautiful to me. I would rather have to work like this man than wear these fine clothes that are only a nuisance to me. I did not bring any money with me so I offered the ferryman my clothes. I do not need them. I have lived without basic recourses before, I can do it again. The ferryman was astonished with my offer but he accepted. I had noticed that this was the same ferryman that had taken me across the river 25 years ago when I had first arrived as a Samana. He recognized me and I reintroduced myself as Siddhartha but this time not as Siddhartha tha Samana.When we finally arrived to the other side of the river Vasudeva noticed that the river had changed me in a way. The river has become my friend. Vasudeva offered me to stay with him along with food. I thanked him and accepted his offer. The river can teach you secrets he said and that I shall learn from the river. Another path beings for me. 

Still people crossed the river in search of Gotama to hear his teachings. Even Kamala went who was once one of the most beautiful courtesans went in search of the Gotama. Kamala now had a son and we all went on the pilgrimage in search of Gotama to hear him preach before he dies. The young boy got restless and was always whining. As far as he knew the Buddha had nothing to offer him. When we were just walking along we decided that it was time for a rest. Kamala laid down and out of no where was bit by a snake. Instantly she had crying pains and screams filled with torture. Little Siddhartha soon enough joined his mother in the screaming for all he wanted was to make his mother feel better. I was on the boat about to light up the fire when Vasudeva barged in with dying Kamala in his arms. There was no hope left in anyones eyes for the survival of Kamala. That very day Kamala died I was also informed that her son was also my son. I am now officially a father and my love for that boy could not grow any stronger. All there is left to do now is have a funeral for Kamala and raise the boy right.

Siddhartha

Entry #6

       540 B.C.

      I met a man by the name of Kamaswami. He accepted me into his home, but I am afraid that he does not realize my full potential. Kamala told me not to ask for work, she said to act in a way that Kamaswami will respect me. I decided to go by her words. I then impressed Kamaswami by showing him that I can read and write. As soon as I knew it, he took me in as his protege. I started working for him as a merchant but this is all not serious for me. Kamaswami even tried to persuade me by giving me a share of the income, but nothing he can say or do will change my mind! On the other hand I have to work very hard with Kamaswami in order to afford the gifts for Kamala.  Even though my relationship with Kamala is interesting we are not in  love, sex is part of her job. We decided that people like us can not be truly in love.

-Siddhartha

Entry #7

 540 B.C

  

   Now being employed for Kamaswami, I am a wealthy man. I take privilege to Kamala’s intimate company.  Business is just a game to me. I am good at it though. I’m good with words so I always do my business well. Kamaswami admires that in me and he takes full advantage of my talents. My perspective on the world has changed and I know because I feel superior to all those who desire only the richest life style. I cannot retract these feelings so I push them aside.

   I look like a wealthy merchant, wear the finest of everything, eat only the riches foods, watch dancers, and I gamble. My spirituality has died and I only desire more…

   I start to notice wrinkles embedded into Kamala’s still beautiful face and an array of gray hairs on my head. I dreamt of Kamala seeking interest in Gotama’s teachings and persuade her to ignore them because of my own reasons. In another dream Kamala’s golden song bird passes and I throw it out, just like how I wasted all my spiritual self. I realized the voice inside me that led me to begin this journey of enlightenment has me silent for too long.

   I was up upset so I went to meditate and figure everything out. I was distracted from my main goal, finding nirvana. The city life has destroyed all my progress. I was oblivious to what was happening while I drank and enjoyed the limelight. I realized my relationship with Kamala was nothing. It taught me love but that cannot bring me to enlightenment so I must leave Kamala at once. I now see all this city life was nothing but the game, and only the game, of Samsara.

   I know Samsara is not a choice but I do not intend to play it forever. I have made the decision to leave without notice…

                                        

-Siddhartha

Entry #8

540 B.C.

    When I left the city and wandered back to the country side, I was thinking about committing suicide. As I looked over the river, I wanted to end my life. Thoughts ran through my mind very quickly. I thought about the "Om" and my mind and body came back to life. I was physically and mentally tired, so I laid down in the grass, and fell asleep by the quiet river.


   When I woke up, I found a Buddhist monk, asleep beside me. I didn't know who it was at first, but then I realized it was my long lost best friend, Govinda. A few minutes later, Govinda woke up and didn't recognize who I was. I introduced myself to him and sure enough, he remebered who I was. However, he told me that he was still a follower of Gotama. Govinda thought his role was to be a spiritual Pilgrim. I told him that I too was a spiritual Pilgrim, but Govinda looked skeptical. Govinda told me that I looked well fed and like a rich merchant. I wanted to tell my friend what else happened in my life since we parted, and that I am still in search of enlightenment. I don't think Govinda was convinced, but he bowed to me respectfully and went on with his day.


    I thought to myself for a little while and I felt that I can learn nothing more by joining the Samanas or the followers of Gotama. I think all of my thinking compromised my previous attempts at enlightment. I think that I have tried way too hard to seek enlightenment. Right now, I am next to the river and  admiring the beauty of it. Just a little while ago, I was lost in the water and felt a strong love for it. I was hypnotized by the river for so long i could not see myself to leave its side.


-Siddhartha

Entry #10

                                                 540 B.C.      

I am so sad about my son. I cannot believe I lost him. My pain and sadness are great and I try to deal with it by meditating. When I was looking at the river today, the water seemed to laugh at me for letting the wound burn and get infected so deeply. I realized that life has an inevitable flow, just like the river. As I am sitting here, I'm thinking about how I left my father despite protestations and how my own son has just left me. I understand that some sorrows can't be prevented and will pass from generation to generation throughout time. Now I feel a sense of peace in my life. During that night I told Vasudeva how I felt and he understood all of my sorrows. Also, I felt as if Vasudeva is as enlightened as the Buddha. He seems like a god to me.

     The next day the old ferryman invited me to listen more closely to the river. I heard voices of joy and sorrow, good and evil, laughter and mourning. I payed no attention to the other words going through my mind and I only heard the word Om. I was sitting next to Vasudeva by the river and I realized that myself is a part of the great perfection that is all of the voices in the world speaking together. I no longer doubt my place in the world or second guess my actions. When I learned and noticed this about myself, I stopped battling my own fate.

-Siddhartha